| STOP THE WHINING Local parents give tips for handling whiny children by Angela V. Woodhull Ph.D. |
| In the beginning, there's the gurgling and cooing. Then come the first few words. After that, sentences. And then comes ... whining. Until that point, parents are overjoyed to jot down all the words and cute expressions their children are learning. But I've yet to find a journal entry reading: "Johnny learned to whine today! I'm so proud of him!" The reasons for whining are as varied as children's personalities. For the child who is used to getting her way, whining is another tool to continue getting extra goodies. For some children, it's a cry for help, a reaching out for attention and affection. For my own daughter, it was simply a bad habit she picked up from some of the other chilodren at her nursery school. Our solution/ We had a doll named "Whiny" which, strange as it may sound, helped to curb that prickly habit. Having "Whiny" do all the whining when Jennifer was cranky not only calmed her but also taught her that whining is something only 'Whiny' does. I never had to scold her, or announce that whining was unacceptable. We simply had the doll do all the whiny-talking. "Are you pretending you're Whiny today?' I'd ask her as soon as she clicked into that mode. After a while, just asking that question would switch her into a calmer intonation. Sometimes I'd hear her in her room playing with her dolls, changing her voice modulations to imitate each doll's personality. Whiny was loved just as much as the other dolls. In Jungian psychology, this technique is called "projection." And the dictionary definition is "the tendency to ascribe to another person's feelings, thoughts, or attitudes present in oneself.' Through this approach, Jennifer learned that no part of her own personality was being shunned or rejected. WE simply gave that habit to a doll we all loved. Can all children lessen whining using a Whiny doll? Not all experts--nor parents--agree. As I researched suggestions to curbing this age-old problem, I found as many techniques as there are reasons for shining ... "I CAN'T HEAR YOU" "My children are grown now, but we still laugh," says Karen Klomp, new owner of the Battery Park City Day Nursery. "I can't hear you when you speak in that voice,' I'd say, and then I would ignore them. Recently they asked me, 'Are you going to tell your nursery children that?' and they laughed.' LISTEN CAREFULLY Klomp uses other strategies to curb whininess at the nursery school. Her staff listens carefully to really hear what the children are saying--without focusing on the whining. 'Perhaps they really have something to say,' comments Klomp. For example, two children both want to play with the same toy and the whining begins: "She won't give me that toy! I want it! I had it first!" Klomp advises, 'Help this little person understand that when she talks in that tone of voice, it doesn't tell us what she wants." Her staff teaches children that there is power in their vwords. First, the toy-sharing problem is addressed. But second, the child is taken to a separate room and asked to listen to her own voice. "Now use your real Susie voice,' they suggest. Klomp tops it off with a familiar message 'I can't hear you when you talk to me in that little voice and I can't give you what you want.' STATE YOUR WHINING POLICY First grade teacher Jan Philpot states calmly and firmly at the beginning of the school year her 'Thou Shalt Not Whine" policy. Her students are told to speak clearly, without whining, and "ask in a big person voice." Philpot firmly believes that children whine if and when they can get away with it. "I had a child who acted like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," she recalls. "In my classroom he was fine, but when his parents came around, he talked like a baby and whined. |